Ball-Tampering, Inzy Style

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Gatting in Gujrat

This one is from one of England's tours to India in the eighties or early nineties when Mike Gatting was the captain. One of the one-day matches was played in Ahmedabad, which is located in India's west, in the state of Gujarat. Now, Gujarat is the birth place of the Father of the nation, Mahatma Gandhi and based on this very flawed logic, the local administration has declared Gujarat as a dry state, meaning sale or consumption of any kind of alcohol is banned within the boundaries of that state.

In the evening of the match, when the temperature was hovering around 35 degrees C, Gatting felt the urge to down a chilled beer. When informed of the dry-ness of the state, Gatting was far from amused and couldn't help making a memorable remark: "I fail to understand what kind of government would stop its citizens from enjoying a chilled beer on a hot evening like this."

When the joke was on Tony

Tony Greig, England’s South African-born captain, to the young David Hookes, 1977:

“When are your balls going to drop, Sonny?”

Hookes:

“I don't know, but at least I'm playing cricket for my own country.” Rubbing it in further, Hookes hit Greig for five consecutive fours.

The Englishmen and the Sea

2 days ago, at Spoof.com

Flintoff and five other players were involved in a "night of drunken debauchery" culminating in an unsavoury incident with the England vice-captain capsizing a pedalo and getting into serious difficulties.The St Lucia Lifeboat Service launched a flimsy raft, and the disgraced reveller was plucked out of the water, still singing "Rule Britannia", minus his underpants.

Captain Vaughan, of the SS Nohope, said:"The officer concerned has been stripped of his rank, and will, from this point forward, be known as 'Mr. Flintoff'.He has apologised to myself and the rest of the crew, and the matter will now be dealt with by the Admiralty on our return to Englande.

"Others involved in the sinking were thought to be Able Semen Anderson, Plunkett and Lewis, as well as Bosun Bell and Midshipman Nixon, who also keeps wicket.None of these were available for comment, recovering, as they were, from varying degrees of seasickness.Admiral Ian Botham, who was, as usual, on hand to dish out his opinion, said:"They're just young lads exercising their right to express their English individuality. Nothing wrong with that.

"Mr Nasser Hussain, who served in Her Majesty's Cricket Navy for several seasons before becoming a dancer, said:"Well done England for finally having some good management."

Buchanan-ian Revelry

"What (John) Buchanan knows about coaching you could write on the back of a dinner plate."

- Greg Ritchie lets a gathering in Adelaide know what he feels about the Australian coach.

"We slept under the stars in sleeping bags - it was wonderful getting bitten by the mozzies - I'm still covered in bites. We went orienteering in the middle of the night with kangaross jumping around . It was just a wonderful time."

- Shane Warne, like Greg above, is another big fan of Buchanan!

Sunday Cricket

George was a regular on the village Sunday cricket circuit. Much bugged, the wife finally found a way out. She popped a question to the local Vicar, "Is it a sin to play on Sunday?"

'It's not a sin,' replied the vicar. 'The way he plays, it's a crime!'

Cricket Curry

Although India won the 1983 Prudential World Cup in England with a thumping victory over the West Indies by 43 runs, the cricketing world didn't tak the victory very seriously and termed it as a fluke. So when the Indian cricket team arrived in Australia in the summer of 85, no one gave them any real chance, as the cricket pundits thought that unlike the World Cup the Benson & Hedges was the real thing and would reveal the real thing....

"The ‘Hill’ at the Sydney Cricket Ground, which has now been made into a stand, was notorious for its colourful and vociferous crowds. On the day that India played England in the Benson & Hedges Cup at the SCG, an English fan on the ‘Hill’ displayed a banner saying, “GIVE ‘EM CURRY, DAVID GOWER!” English supporters sought revenge for England’s ignominious semifinal defeat in the 1983 World Cup. Chasing 225 to win, the England asking rate climbed to impossible proportions due to some excellent bowling by the Indian seamers and spinners. The elaborate scoreboard at the SCG, in the place where the asking rate is shown after every over, displayed just one word: PRAY! When India won the match by 86 runs, a banner displayed by a delighted Indian supporter, replying to the England supporter’s ‘Give ‘em Curry’ banner, read, “Did the pressure cooker blow up in your face, Mr. Gower?”

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